When I first moved here, I was uncomfortable with the way friends greeted one another with kisses on the cheek, disliking the way people dove towards me for the kiss. My friends still tease me by imitating the way I used to be terrified of greetings.
To be honest, though, I’m still not a big fan of greeting people with that much physical closeness. One reason is that people’s cologne gets on my cheek and then I’m stuck smelling it all day long. It makes you wonder where in the world they’re applying it if all we did was lightly touch cheeks.
I also can’t figure out whether you’re supposed to start with the left cheek or the right—meaning I almost kiss people on the lips sometimes—so I end up having to pay close attention to which cheek they’re offering. I wonder if the Italians secretly like the fact that there’s no set rule for which cheek you’re supposed to start with, since you can always pretend to offer the wrong cheek and score an “accidental” kiss on the lips.
In some parts of Italy, they customarily kiss three times in greeting. There I am doing once on the left, once on the right and then pulling back as always—and they come in again for the left cheek, causing me to panic. I have yet to go anywhere where they kiss four times, so maybe three is the maximum.
Besides kissing on the cheek, another common practice between friends is hugging. This is another custom I just can’t get comfortable with. If I hug a tall person, for example, my lipstick or other makeup might end up getting on the shoulder of their shirt—and then what if their coworkers make fun of them because of it? Or their wife accuses them of cheating? I worry about these things.
So what about handshakes, you’re probably wondering. I like shaking hands. Although, sometimes there are people whose grips are so strong that my fingers get crushed against my rings and it hurts! I’ve never cried out, but I’ve had to force myself to smile pleasantly while my eyes wince in pain during greetings.
I have discovered, however, that there are places (people) in Italy where hugs and kisses on the cheek are not exchanged—where they’ve even decided not to shake hands. These are the exclusive, high-class social clubs found in different parts of Italy and attended by former aristocracy or high-level businesspeople. One of these social clubs, located in the northern Italian city of Torino, is the largest and most historically important in the country. Photos and video are strictly prohibited, and there are no hugs, no kisses on the cheek, and no handshakes.
I half-jokingly thought that because they’re aristocracy, they might only allow kneeling down to kiss the hand—but whatever the reason, I felt perfectly comfortable without all those Italian customs that I find unsettling.
