Typically, the intent of the gift is that it is to be enjoyed by everyone that evening. If you bring wine, for example, it’s customary to open it right away for a group toast. If you bring gelato, you’ll break it out with a smile once the meal is over so that everyone can dig in and enjoy. The idea is to make the most of the fact that you’re all together and have fun sharing it.
When a guest brings wine, one of the questions is whether you should open the wine they brought, or the wine that you prepared for the dinner party. Technically, the correct move is to open the wine you prepared—since in most cases you will have selected something that goes with that evening’s meal. In reality though, there are many situations where people don’t stick to that rule.
What about gift-giving practices in Japan? No matter what the situation, it is never polite to show up at someone’s house without a gift. But the idea is usually to encourage the host to enjoy it quietly (lol) later. Oftentimes, the Japanese bring snacks wrapped in beautiful packaging, shyly offering them with a standard phrase that downplays the value of the gift and tentatively hopes that it will be to the receiver’s taste. Japanese culture prioritizes concern about whether the recipient will like a gift, with the hopes that it won’t be an imposition.
This fundamental difference also shows up in the way gifts are presented. In Italy and other Western countries, for example, the custom is for the recipient to immediately and enthusiastically tear into the packaging—rarely stopping to admire the painstaking selection of paper, wrapping style, or decorative elements that I spend so long on. But they’ll joyfully cry out, “Thank you! It’s just what I wanted!” to express their gratitude.
What about Japan? The receiver may very gingerly open the wrapping in front of you—or better yet carefully take it with them to open quietly at home… and then most likely express their gratitude once again at a later date. Leaving the gift unopened and discreetly taking it with them is probably seen as the polite and considerate thing to do for the gift-giver. The Japanese way seems to be to give and receive quietly.
The idea of giving gifts and presents as a way to express thoughtfulness is the same in Italy and Japan—but it’s interesting how differently those expressions play out. While the Italians prioritize enjoying things together, the Japanese do everything they can to make the experience easy on the other person. Each practice is lovely in its own way.
So if you happen to receive a gift when you are in Italy, try joyfully tearing into it right then and there. And the next time I’m in Japan, I’m going to remember my manners as well—quietly and humbly handing over my beautifully-wrapped box of sweets.
